Thursday, September 27, 2012


I'm a single parent for the next three days.  That's because Mike is at the first weekend of Wood Badge training.  I wish I were there.  It sounds like fun.  He's sitting by a campfire right now.  Instead, I'll be helping Nick go through a busy weekend.  I wish we didn't have anything planned so we could go off and have an adventure of our own, but I have to go to a memorial service for a friend on Saturday.  I still want to go to the Outback Kangaroo Farm and to the zip lines on Camano Island.  Maybe we could manage that on Sunday afternoon, but the odds are that Nick will just want to hang out at home.  We'll see. 

The problem I'm going to have is that I tend to wait for Mike when he's gone.  That's not fair to Nick or to me.  We deserve to go do something fun, don't you think?

Mike even said he might be asked to turn off his phone.  Really?  Does that mean I won't see him on the new app he had me sign up for, Find Friends?  Really, it might be creepy to be tracked by this thing if it weren't my husband watching.  I like that he'd be able to find me if I were to get lost while I was out hiking with Teddy.  I like that he could see that I took Teddy to Marymoor while Nick was at karate tonight.  See, we're not hiding much from each other these days.  You might think that our lives are just so ordinary and they are, but it's never that simple, now, is it?  There's plenty of drama in this ordinary life, sometimes too much drama, though it seems to swirl around us most of the time instead of engulfing the two of us.  So, I'll miss being able to see his little purple dot right next to my blue dot when we're both at home.  I wish I could have the purple dot and give him the blue one instead.  Why can't we pick a green dot or an orange one?  Did it ever occur to them that we just might want to pick our own dot colors?

Never mind.

Nick will be doing something fun tomorrow.  He's going to his first dance.  Now you should understand that the kids go in clumps at this age, girls with girls, and boys with boys.  Nick is going with his buddies Adrian and Jack.  They're having pizza first though.  The funny thing was that Jack's mom was talking about how the girls try on clothes to get ready.  Tonight, Nick talked about bringing different clothes to Jack's house to see what he really wanted to wear.  Oh man, I hope I get to see some of that!  Will they be changing clothes all afternoon?  Will I have to run out with Nick and Adrian to pick up a pair of nice pants for Nick? 

I'm glad he's excited about going.  I've been told there isn't a lot of dancing going on just yet, but I told Nick that if he was willing to dance, he'd always have a partner.  I also told him it's great exercise too and that he can just go out and keep it cool if he wants.  It's more likely that he'll hang out with his buddies and maybe, just maybe, talk to some friends there.  I know that one of the two girls he has crushes on is going.  Will he have the courage to talk to them?  Am I ready for this?  Am I ready to watch him fall in love, lose his heart, struggle in that mire that is young love?  I'm not sure anything in life is as difficult as love except, maybe, for death.  Love just might be more difficult than dying.  I'm not sure.  Either way, you must succumb.  I can almost remember my first dances.  I was such a complete dork, but then what middle-schooler isn't?

You have to remember that when I went to my first dances, 'Saturday Night Fever' was just coming out in the theaters!  It was disco, baby!  Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive, staying alive.  You have to admit that if you were willing to get out there on the dance floor, disco was fun.  It looked idiotic, but it was fun.  I'm just glad I don't have any home movies of those dances.  I looked better in my memory, I'm sure. 

So tomorrow night, I just get to imagine what Nick's doing.  Remember the angst from that age?  'Should I go talk to him?  Will he even know my name?'  There were people that I just stared at, probably moon-eyed, people whom I'm sure never knew who I was, let alone that I liked them.  Oh, the ache from seeing them in the hallway or even from hearing just the right song.  Oh black water, keep on rolling.  Even now, just thinking about that song, I remember the blond-haired boy I used to stare at in biology class.  It was a tumultuous time in my life, probably in any kid's life, enduring the first crushes.  I can't wish him never to get hurt.  Everyone gets hurt.  Everyone. 

Thank you for listening, jb

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