I just finished ordering Mike's annual calendar. I've lost track of how many years I've been getting this same thing for him for Christmas. I am a bundle of creativity, aren't I? A vest for my brother, a ceramic vase or platter for my sister, money for the older kids. Mike always reminds me to get him a demotivator calendar from Despair, Inc., as if I might not remember. Well, okay, there have been years that I didn't remember, years when he got his calendar on January 11th after we'd taken the Christmas tree down. I really am a pathetic wife, sometimes. Mike gives me credit for trying. I really am trying, but I get distracted. Why? You tell me.
Nick is in the other room, trying to come up with reasons to stay up late. I read him a chapter from our book, 'Skeleton Key,' one of the Alex Rider series by Anthony Horowitz. Have I told you I like his books? They're great for boys. They read like an action flick. Right now, Alex is a prisoner and his plan to escape in the trunk of a limosine has failed. Nick likes imagining himself battling the bad guys in the book, but I wonder if this is the right book for inducing sleep. I think E.B. White had it right, ending so many of his chapters of Charlotte's Web with a sleepy pig. Alex Rider never sleeps, unless someone has drugged him, poor kid.
So, while I was trying to finish ordering Mike's calendar, Nick needed to get up for some water. He wanted an apple. He needed to tell his dad something. He needed to show us a good night routine that involved jumping around and rapping. He was still hungry. His toe hurt where he stubbed it. He needed an ice pack. He needed to tell us he loves us. Nick really has trouble settling down to sleep. It seems to take two of us to hustle him into bed and sometimes we've posted guard at his door, pretending to keep him company.
Yes, I am distracted. Thankfully, Teddy is asleep already. Earlier today, I took him to a three hour Puppy Manners class. Oh, he had a great time. These classes are so helpful and the puppies get to play. Imagine that, a room full of fluffy puppies rolling around on the floor. The trainers answered all of the questions I could remember that I had. 'You're doing it wrong' never once came up in conversation. Becky Bishop and her team are wonderful with the dogs and diplomats with people too. I was doing it wrong, but nobody said that out loud. Okay, to my credit, I wasn't doing everything wrong, just the areas where problems were coming up.
See, I'm even distracted when everyone has finally settled down to sleep. I think I crave this time, staying up a little later than everyone else because I can finally gather all the loose threads I call my thoughts, make my list of what I really have to do in the next few days, and settle down. I think Nick is more like me than I imagined. I can seldom walk away from a busy room of people to go to sleep. I like being in this quiet room. Well, the dryer is still going and there are still cars out on the highway, but if it gets too quiet, it's unnerving. I was at a friend's house once and I kept bouncing off the chair to look around until I realized that I was used to more noise than this. So, to me, this is quiet. The Christmas tree is reflected in the window in front of me. The lights on the play fort outside are shining through the boughs of Red Cedar. It's as if someone has thrown a blanket over my crate. I'm starting to settle, except that I'm hungry.
I'm finally done with Mike's calendar. The fun part of putting together this calendar is that you're allowed, for a small fee, to add holidays. I go through the year and try to imagine Mike sitting in his cubicle, reading what to expect for his day. This year, I came up with a few that I liked, but I can't remember any of them now. Ha! I have the memory of a steel sieve.
Oh, here's the one for our anniversary: For 25 years, it's silver, so for 20, it must be mattress ... or maybe dishwasher. Oh man, that's not funny at all. These are the things I keep asking Mike to give me for Christmas, my birthday, our anniversary. Is it funny to nag on a calendar? It's definitely not funny if I have to explain it. Sorry. One fake holiday I made is called 'You're doing it wrong!' I've been getting more and more rude every year, but Mike still asks me to make him another.
One year, my niece helped me come up with the rude holidays. Now, she was much funnier, not that I remember a word she said. I have to tell you that I have always wanted to be funny, but Mike tells me I'm only funny when I don't intend to be, like when I spill stuff on my shirt, or fall into hip-deep muck, or say something rude when I didn't realize I was actually speaking out loud. It's disappointing. Now, when Nick was describing the way that puke was rolling to the left when the bus went around a curve and then toward his feet when the bus accelerated up a hill, now that was funny.
Thank you for listening. This is a good time for one of those little smiley faces. :jb
Nick is in the other room, trying to come up with reasons to stay up late. I read him a chapter from our book, 'Skeleton Key,' one of the Alex Rider series by Anthony Horowitz. Have I told you I like his books? They're great for boys. They read like an action flick. Right now, Alex is a prisoner and his plan to escape in the trunk of a limosine has failed. Nick likes imagining himself battling the bad guys in the book, but I wonder if this is the right book for inducing sleep. I think E.B. White had it right, ending so many of his chapters of Charlotte's Web with a sleepy pig. Alex Rider never sleeps, unless someone has drugged him, poor kid.
So, while I was trying to finish ordering Mike's calendar, Nick needed to get up for some water. He wanted an apple. He needed to tell his dad something. He needed to show us a good night routine that involved jumping around and rapping. He was still hungry. His toe hurt where he stubbed it. He needed an ice pack. He needed to tell us he loves us. Nick really has trouble settling down to sleep. It seems to take two of us to hustle him into bed and sometimes we've posted guard at his door, pretending to keep him company.
Yes, I am distracted. Thankfully, Teddy is asleep already. Earlier today, I took him to a three hour Puppy Manners class. Oh, he had a great time. These classes are so helpful and the puppies get to play. Imagine that, a room full of fluffy puppies rolling around on the floor. The trainers answered all of the questions I could remember that I had. 'You're doing it wrong' never once came up in conversation. Becky Bishop and her team are wonderful with the dogs and diplomats with people too. I was doing it wrong, but nobody said that out loud. Okay, to my credit, I wasn't doing everything wrong, just the areas where problems were coming up.
See, I'm even distracted when everyone has finally settled down to sleep. I think I crave this time, staying up a little later than everyone else because I can finally gather all the loose threads I call my thoughts, make my list of what I really have to do in the next few days, and settle down. I think Nick is more like me than I imagined. I can seldom walk away from a busy room of people to go to sleep. I like being in this quiet room. Well, the dryer is still going and there are still cars out on the highway, but if it gets too quiet, it's unnerving. I was at a friend's house once and I kept bouncing off the chair to look around until I realized that I was used to more noise than this. So, to me, this is quiet. The Christmas tree is reflected in the window in front of me. The lights on the play fort outside are shining through the boughs of Red Cedar. It's as if someone has thrown a blanket over my crate. I'm starting to settle, except that I'm hungry.
I'm finally done with Mike's calendar. The fun part of putting together this calendar is that you're allowed, for a small fee, to add holidays. I go through the year and try to imagine Mike sitting in his cubicle, reading what to expect for his day. This year, I came up with a few that I liked, but I can't remember any of them now. Ha! I have the memory of a steel sieve.
Oh, here's the one for our anniversary: For 25 years, it's silver, so for 20, it must be mattress ... or maybe dishwasher. Oh man, that's not funny at all. These are the things I keep asking Mike to give me for Christmas, my birthday, our anniversary. Is it funny to nag on a calendar? It's definitely not funny if I have to explain it. Sorry. One fake holiday I made is called 'You're doing it wrong!' I've been getting more and more rude every year, but Mike still asks me to make him another.
One year, my niece helped me come up with the rude holidays. Now, she was much funnier, not that I remember a word she said. I have to tell you that I have always wanted to be funny, but Mike tells me I'm only funny when I don't intend to be, like when I spill stuff on my shirt, or fall into hip-deep muck, or say something rude when I didn't realize I was actually speaking out loud. It's disappointing. Now, when Nick was describing the way that puke was rolling to the left when the bus went around a curve and then toward his feet when the bus accelerated up a hill, now that was funny.
Thank you for listening. This is a good time for one of those little smiley faces. :jb
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