Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Moving Halloween to Saturday

You know how they can roll George Washington and Abraham Lincoln's birthdays into just one holiday and call it President's Day, set it on a Monday, and give banks and schools the day off, but not anyone else? 

If they can do that, why can't they move Halloween to the last Friday or Saturday in October?  Really. Would we be offending the saints if we did? 

It's a given that Nick is going to have homework tonight. Somehow, he needs to get that done.  I need to get a decent dinner on the table.  And we need to be out the door by 6:00pm.  We're all going to get to bed late in the excitement.  Nick's going to be crabby and tired for the rest of the week and I know that his teachers are going to wish that my wish came true as well.  You'd think they'd give themselves a break and skip the homework on Halloween.  According to commercials on television, it's the third most important holiday, after Christmas presents and New Years liquor and exercise programs but before Easter candy, Valentine's Day jewelry, and Memorial Day mattresses.  If anthropologists were studying our culture, they might think we shop according to that calendar.  What does that say about us?

Back to Halloween.  Maybe they should automatically put the fall back time change together with Halloween so that the ghouls and princesses have one extra magical hour in which to toilet paper houses and egg passing cars.  Do I dare say that some of them might break into the liquor cabinet and end up puking creme de menthe in our bushes as well?

Who controls our calendars? 

I imagine if it affects businesses, then it becomes important, but if it's just us tired schmucks, then the holiday is irrelevant.  Wouldn't they sell more candy if Halloween were moved to a Saturday night?  Can't the candy and high fructose corn syrup manufacturers lobby to get it moved? Weekday Halloween celebrations are cutting into their profits.  Couldn't the toilet paper and egg companies claim a loss as well?  And what about the creme de menthe companies?  You know it's all about profits, don't you?  That's how things like this get moved.  It costs more to let employees off from work on a Tuesday, Wednesday, or a Thursday, thus the President's Day shift to Monday.  I'm not sure why Fridays are never holidays though.  Would somebody tell me that?

And there's the sugar, the vast quantities of sugar. 

Oh, I guess I don't mind the candy so much these days.  Nick knows that he's going to have a stomach ache if he eats it.  Did I tell you that he has an intolerance to fructose that gets to him?  So, since he was about six, when he started to get bigger volumes of candy, he'd auction most of it off to his dad afterward.  I loved hearing him tell Mike that he wanted $5.00 for each tiny piece of Snickers.  Mike would almost pay that much for Snickers, Twix, or Butterfinger, but the negotiations are hard won and Nick usually winds up with enough cash to buy a video game.  It's rotting another part of his head, but at least it's not his teeth. Who cares about his brain, right?

Mike brings all that candy to work where his employees get the brunt of the sugar overload.  This makes Mike very popular at work, except for the twiggies who eat his candy and then berate him for making them do it.  Life is complicated, isn't it?  A gift is not just a gift.

So, I'm making a solemn plea to those who control the works:  please move Halloween to Saturday night.  I'm begging you.  I don't want to wake up that little bear in the morning for school. 

Thank you for listening, jb


No comments:

Post a Comment