Nick and Adrian got home from school at 1:45 this afternoon and are settling down for a sleepover now. Today, I've spent the afternoon being the girl with action figures and the evening playing 'Dread Pirate.' I won and ended the game as the dread pirate, by the way, a first for me. Argh. I had asked the boys if they wanted to go jump at the Sky High trampolines this afternoon. I'd asked if Nick wanted to go to karate early in the evening.
"No, we want to stay home," they said each time, almost in unison.
"Will you play with us?" Nick asked. He'd asked the same thing yesterday, but I was running behind and didn't stop what I was doing. Today, I promised myself I wouldn't make the same mistake again.
Thirteen years ago, Mike and I said goodbye to our beloved vet, Dr. Carsch, who was selling a flourishing business. I couldn't understand why he was getting out when the dogs loved him so well and people were flocking to his office. When we asked him why, he said, "My kids are young. You only get a few years with them, you know." After googling him just now, I know that he's gone back into business, helping independent vet clinics to make a better business plan. It all sounds very exciting and I can see that he's still successful. I'm glad that his decision paid off, but more important than that, I hope he got the time he wanted with his kids while he could.
Dr. Carsch left two years before Nick was born and I've tried not to forget what he'd said. Even though I don't work in an office any more, I get busy. I'm volunteering at school and also with Cub Scouts. I have too many unfinished quilting projects. I'm hanging out with friends, commiserating about parenting, and trying to have a nice lunch or get some exercise. I'm in the middle of a good book. I need to cook, check my email, clean and, oh, I have all kinds of reasons I can't play right now.
Playing really is different than it used to be. When I was just an aunt, I rolled around on the floor with my nephews and niece and played like a little kid. I admit, it is harder to sit on the floor these days. I think that if I did it more regularly, it would be good for me, the same way yoga hurts until you're done with the stretch and then you feel better.
As a mom, there's the added feeling of needing to go somewhere to be quiet once in a while. I need my quiet time, even though I'm generally getting enough of it while everyone is off at school or work. I've settled down into my routine and I'm enjoying a better balance now. I'm even looking forward to getting to my projects, so I don't always want my time to be interrupted.
On Thursday, Nick's school had a Walkathon to raise money for teacher grants. This money does the kids a lot of good and the kids spend the afternoon getting lots of exercise. I kept telling Mike that I wasn't going to volunteer this time. I had volunteered five years in a row and they could manage without me. I wanted my afternoon. I had a plan. Nick had been watching television during this conversation and I didn't even think he'd heard a word I'd said.
"Nick, do you want Momma to come to the Walkathon tomorrow?" Mike asked. I could have kicked him. I really didn't want him to take the decision away from me.
"Mom, you could come, but you don't have to. I'll be okay," Nick said. He looked very mature, but there was a look in his eyes. I tried to ignore it. I woke at my usual 4:15am and though I managed to get back to sleep, told myself I'd need my time to catch up on sleep after the bus came or I'd be too tired for the rest of the day. I got up again at 6:45 and made Nick a good lunch before he went off to school. At 7:55, the rest of the day was mine.
I looked at the clock at 11:45. I remembered that look in Nick's eyes. I tried to get busy with the binding on a quilt. I looked at the clock at 12:07. I looked at the fabric in front of me, the allure of it fading before my eyes as I pictured Nick's brave facade and remembering Dr. Carsch's words. Within the next twenty minutes, I was at the volunteer table, asking to work near the track for the older kids.
In the end, Nick had walked 4 1/2 miles and never slowed down the time I took a break from my post and tried to walk a lap with him. At the end, he pushed himself to go six laps more than he had the year before. I was proud of him, but what made it worth going was the look on his face when all I did was show up.
Thank you for listening, jb
"No, we want to stay home," they said each time, almost in unison.
"Will you play with us?" Nick asked. He'd asked the same thing yesterday, but I was running behind and didn't stop what I was doing. Today, I promised myself I wouldn't make the same mistake again.
Thirteen years ago, Mike and I said goodbye to our beloved vet, Dr. Carsch, who was selling a flourishing business. I couldn't understand why he was getting out when the dogs loved him so well and people were flocking to his office. When we asked him why, he said, "My kids are young. You only get a few years with them, you know." After googling him just now, I know that he's gone back into business, helping independent vet clinics to make a better business plan. It all sounds very exciting and I can see that he's still successful. I'm glad that his decision paid off, but more important than that, I hope he got the time he wanted with his kids while he could.
Dr. Carsch left two years before Nick was born and I've tried not to forget what he'd said. Even though I don't work in an office any more, I get busy. I'm volunteering at school and also with Cub Scouts. I have too many unfinished quilting projects. I'm hanging out with friends, commiserating about parenting, and trying to have a nice lunch or get some exercise. I'm in the middle of a good book. I need to cook, check my email, clean and, oh, I have all kinds of reasons I can't play right now.
Playing really is different than it used to be. When I was just an aunt, I rolled around on the floor with my nephews and niece and played like a little kid. I admit, it is harder to sit on the floor these days. I think that if I did it more regularly, it would be good for me, the same way yoga hurts until you're done with the stretch and then you feel better.
As a mom, there's the added feeling of needing to go somewhere to be quiet once in a while. I need my quiet time, even though I'm generally getting enough of it while everyone is off at school or work. I've settled down into my routine and I'm enjoying a better balance now. I'm even looking forward to getting to my projects, so I don't always want my time to be interrupted.
On Thursday, Nick's school had a Walkathon to raise money for teacher grants. This money does the kids a lot of good and the kids spend the afternoon getting lots of exercise. I kept telling Mike that I wasn't going to volunteer this time. I had volunteered five years in a row and they could manage without me. I wanted my afternoon. I had a plan. Nick had been watching television during this conversation and I didn't even think he'd heard a word I'd said.
"Nick, do you want Momma to come to the Walkathon tomorrow?" Mike asked. I could have kicked him. I really didn't want him to take the decision away from me.
"Mom, you could come, but you don't have to. I'll be okay," Nick said. He looked very mature, but there was a look in his eyes. I tried to ignore it. I woke at my usual 4:15am and though I managed to get back to sleep, told myself I'd need my time to catch up on sleep after the bus came or I'd be too tired for the rest of the day. I got up again at 6:45 and made Nick a good lunch before he went off to school. At 7:55, the rest of the day was mine.
I looked at the clock at 11:45. I remembered that look in Nick's eyes. I tried to get busy with the binding on a quilt. I looked at the clock at 12:07. I looked at the fabric in front of me, the allure of it fading before my eyes as I pictured Nick's brave facade and remembering Dr. Carsch's words. Within the next twenty minutes, I was at the volunteer table, asking to work near the track for the older kids.
In the end, Nick had walked 4 1/2 miles and never slowed down the time I took a break from my post and tried to walk a lap with him. At the end, he pushed himself to go six laps more than he had the year before. I was proud of him, but what made it worth going was the look on his face when all I did was show up.
Thank you for listening, jb
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