The Contract

Did you ever make a major decision in your life and later wonder just how you were going to manage it?

I didn't feel this way when I moved away from home when I was twenty-two. I didn't feel this way when I followed Mike out to the Pacific Northwest. I didn't feel this way when I married him either. I felt really solid with those decisions. Good thing too.

I did feel out of sorts and overwhelmed when Nickie was born. I wondered just how I was going to take care of this little being, but I never once remember thinking I needed the 30-day escape clause on that contract.

Today, I wanted that escape clause, that one like I used when I spent $500 on cheap dinnerware I didn't like because the salesman was so good. The buyers remorse was strong with that purchase. I woke up as if I had a hangover. What did a single girl in her twenties need with an eight place china setting with a platter and a gravy boat? Really?

Just what did we get ourselves into when we brought Teddy home last Sunday? Mike is still struggling with sleep issues. In the last month, I have just moved out of the grief stage of his illness and into managing the things he couldn't. The house looked pretty good. The yard was improving. I was cooking meals and actually having time for myself now and then. I even finished a quilt top.

I was a little lonely though too. I needed more exercise than I was getting and I had to love on other peoples' dogs to fill that space like the fool that I am. A lady came up to me in the dark on Friday night and said she badly needed a dog and I knew just how she felt.

I guess I really was ready. Nick was ready too. He's been slowly taking up the mantle of care for this puppy he picked. Oh, don't get me wrong - Mike and I are doing most of the work. It doesn't help that Nick is afraid of Teddy's sharp little teeth and that Teddy is nippy, as a puppy usually is. Nick's bond isn't strong yet, but I expected him to have doubts when reality set in. Going to Dairy Queen today helped. Nick laughed so much as Teddy ate the cone he held out. Teddy already loves Nick and Nick loves Teddy too, mostly when he's asleep. The walk after the ice cream was a good one and Nick liked that Teddy stood on his feet rather than mine when he got tired. We say we feel like penguins when he does that.

What was hard, today, was hearing Mike say we'd made a mistake, that we were in over our heads. He's right. I've basically moved into the downstairs guest room to try to alleviate the noise for Mike and Nick. Mike just can not afford to lose sleep, even over a sweet puppy like Teddy.

The fact that Teddy is only two months old isn't helping. You should have heard him howl over separating from his litter-mates that first night. He makes really interesting vocalizations, but they can be piercing. I vowed not to come in and comfort him while he was crying, but it was so draining to sit by and listen to that anguish.

Crate training has been easier. Teddy whines quietly when he needs to go out about every two or three hours or so. Oh, that's been pretty draining itself since I had set up too many appointments and errands before we got him and I haven't been able to sleep during the day. Five to seven hours of sleep a night isn't so good when it's chopped into two it three hour slices.

I keep thinking it will be easier when that schedule runs out. Will it ever? I'm not sure. Stuff keeps coming up. Tomorrow, Nick gets his first retainer and it's Halloween. I volunteered to hand out candy and hot drinks in front of church. Tuesday, Nick has an appointment we made for him to talk to a counselor about Mike's illness and other general stresses. Friday, I'm supposed to make pies for a bake sale. Will I ever sleep again?

I miss being in my own bed too. Mike reminded me that it would be a few months before I could bring Teddy's crate upstairs. They told us that a dog can wait to go outside about one hour for every month of his life. That's why Teddy can wait in his crate about two and a half hours now. That's four more months, at least!

Plus, there's everything that goes with training a dog not to destroy our house. We need to train Teddy not to trip us with his leash. We have to keep him from herding the cats. We need to give him jobs and keep him occupied. What will I do when someone gets sick and we can't go for that long walk? I hadn't thought of that. Oh, it's a wonder anyone keeps a puppy.

Are we too busy, too overwhelmed by our own activities, struggling too much with our illnesses to take good care of a dog? We may be, but after our walk, Nick was chattering to Mike about what Teddy was doing with his ice cream as Mike sat on the couch with Teddy's sleepy head in his lap.

We won't be perfect dog parents, but we'll muddle along. It's too late to go back on that promise, not to the shelter. I'm talking about the promise we made to Teddy, the day we looked in his eyes and said we were bringing him home.

Thank you for listening, jb