So I was telling you about how I fell in love with Mike. I remember him standing there in the hallway. We were going to a Moody Blues concert. He had changed out of his work clothes. I later found out his mother had chosen these clothes for him. It was no wonder they didn't look quite right on him. Instead, he wore a flannel shirt and Levis. Oh man. Okay, I'm telling you, I fell in love right at that moment, but could there have been some lust mixed in there as well?
You know, I don't want to go there. It's private.
I do know I was down for the count. I floated through the concert and the weekend that followed. What happened after the concert made me understand that it really was love and not just a bodily function. Something wonderful happened, you might think. Not so much.
Mike simply stopped asking me out. He was cordial at work, almost friendly, but he just didn't bring up the next date. So much for our song being anything from the Moody Blues. I was crushed. For a while, I tried to play along and stay silent, but I'm just not very good at that.
"What's wrong?" I asked him one day in the lab. I had waited until we were alone, leaning over our breadboard, half completed.
"Nothing," he said as he leaned away to look back at my schematic. Then quiet prevailed again. I waited a few more days, trying to ignore the heavy foreboding that hung just below my heart.
"Want to come with me to happy hour?" I asked him just as everyone was gathering their notebooks and shutting down power supplies for the night.
"No thanks," he said. Okay. This really hurt. Then, I started to sound like a desperate girl who'd been rejected.
"Is it something that I did?" I asked quietly.
"No. It's not you," he said. Bullshit. It was easier to pry open a clam.
"So, what's wrong?" I asked, just prolonging my agony. What was I, stupid?
"There's this girl."
That was enough. I shut my mouth and didn't ask any more questions. I knew who it was even, having listened to him talk about his friends and remembering his emphasis on one in particular, a girl. All that time, I'd believed his heart was free and it wasn't.
I was already too far gone. I had a way of doing that, fell too far, too fast. I was shattered. I didn't eat. I didn't go out or see my friends. I actually called my mother and said I needed to come home for a few days or I'd end up quitting this good job and moving back. For once, my mother kept quiet and I came home for ten days, probably moping the whole time. I don't remember a bit of it. I didn't want to talk about it. That wasn't like me, but no one asked. Thankfully.
I don't think I could have explained it in any case. It would have sounded trivial. We had a few dates. It didn't work out. He wasn't interested. I had always felt that those things were simple. I had already had one marriage proposal from a guy who had wanted 'some space' and realized his mistake too late. I was not one to give second chances. No way. If they weren't positive they wanted to be with me, then they weren't worth my time.
I girded my loins and came back from my trip. Where did that phrase come from anyway? It sounds good though, wrapping your long robes up around yourself to prepare for battle. I really needed to wrap my feelings out of sight and be prepared to walk into that lab and get some engineering work done. Plus, I had no intention of showing just how hurt I was in the process.
That was the autumn that I made a frantic attempt at having fun. I dated. Oh man, the week I had first dates with four different men was just crazy. No, it wasn't fun. I just kept imagining the guys all coming together in one place for a brief moment in time. I couldn't remember one guy's name half way through the third date. Still, I had plenty to talk to Mike about at work. I plastered a smile on my face and went into that lab every day and told him about these men. I should have earned an Oscar for my acting skills. Mike even started joking with me again. I wasn't having any of his charm. I was untouchable. It was done. My happiness was going to come from somewhere else and I was looking for it and reporting back to my coworker, Mike. Coworker.
Oh, I have to tell you, this story gets worse before it gets better, but I need to stop for now. I may pick it up another time.
Thank you for listening, jb
You know, I don't want to go there. It's private.
I do know I was down for the count. I floated through the concert and the weekend that followed. What happened after the concert made me understand that it really was love and not just a bodily function. Something wonderful happened, you might think. Not so much.
Mike simply stopped asking me out. He was cordial at work, almost friendly, but he just didn't bring up the next date. So much for our song being anything from the Moody Blues. I was crushed. For a while, I tried to play along and stay silent, but I'm just not very good at that.
"What's wrong?" I asked him one day in the lab. I had waited until we were alone, leaning over our breadboard, half completed.
"Nothing," he said as he leaned away to look back at my schematic. Then quiet prevailed again. I waited a few more days, trying to ignore the heavy foreboding that hung just below my heart.
"Want to come with me to happy hour?" I asked him just as everyone was gathering their notebooks and shutting down power supplies for the night.
"No thanks," he said. Okay. This really hurt. Then, I started to sound like a desperate girl who'd been rejected.
"Is it something that I did?" I asked quietly.
"No. It's not you," he said. Bullshit. It was easier to pry open a clam.
"So, what's wrong?" I asked, just prolonging my agony. What was I, stupid?
"There's this girl."
That was enough. I shut my mouth and didn't ask any more questions. I knew who it was even, having listened to him talk about his friends and remembering his emphasis on one in particular, a girl. All that time, I'd believed his heart was free and it wasn't.
I was already too far gone. I had a way of doing that, fell too far, too fast. I was shattered. I didn't eat. I didn't go out or see my friends. I actually called my mother and said I needed to come home for a few days or I'd end up quitting this good job and moving back. For once, my mother kept quiet and I came home for ten days, probably moping the whole time. I don't remember a bit of it. I didn't want to talk about it. That wasn't like me, but no one asked. Thankfully.
I don't think I could have explained it in any case. It would have sounded trivial. We had a few dates. It didn't work out. He wasn't interested. I had always felt that those things were simple. I had already had one marriage proposal from a guy who had wanted 'some space' and realized his mistake too late. I was not one to give second chances. No way. If they weren't positive they wanted to be with me, then they weren't worth my time.
I girded my loins and came back from my trip. Where did that phrase come from anyway? It sounds good though, wrapping your long robes up around yourself to prepare for battle. I really needed to wrap my feelings out of sight and be prepared to walk into that lab and get some engineering work done. Plus, I had no intention of showing just how hurt I was in the process.
That was the autumn that I made a frantic attempt at having fun. I dated. Oh man, the week I had first dates with four different men was just crazy. No, it wasn't fun. I just kept imagining the guys all coming together in one place for a brief moment in time. I couldn't remember one guy's name half way through the third date. Still, I had plenty to talk to Mike about at work. I plastered a smile on my face and went into that lab every day and told him about these men. I should have earned an Oscar for my acting skills. Mike even started joking with me again. I wasn't having any of his charm. I was untouchable. It was done. My happiness was going to come from somewhere else and I was looking for it and reporting back to my coworker, Mike. Coworker.
Oh, I have to tell you, this story gets worse before it gets better, but I need to stop for now. I may pick it up another time.
Thank you for listening, jb
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