Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Being Okay With Where I Am

It's spring break and Nick and I did nothing today. We watched television. Nick kept saying he really wanted to watch the movie that was on. The first time he said that it was a Jet Li movie. I watched it with him and I played solitaire on my iPhone. There are times when I get to playing that I'm unimpressed with myself. I actually play the baker's game, not your usual version of solitaire. I wonder if it is good for my brain because I don't know why else I would play. It's addicting. The second time Nick said he loved the movie playing was for 'Dragonball Z' and I was feeling the pressure of having done nothing until late afternoon. Plus, I hate all the commercials.

Mike texted me a couple of times, asking what we were doing. I finally told him that it was hard to get Nick moving. It was hard to get me moving. We sat on the couch together and once in a while, Nick would say something like, "I love you, Mom" or "You're the best mom ever."

But why? I hadn't done anything.

His friends have gone on vacation. I didn't have anything planned. Nothing. I had hoped that someone would be around. Here are the places they went: the Oregon coast, Whidbey Island, California, Hawaii, and Palm Springs. Two more of my friends are in Hawaii. I have to say that I was pretty jealous, not so happy to be home and sleeping in.

Television seems to have that effect on me, yet I sat and watched. There I sat, crabby about other people's vacations, unimpressed with my game of solitaire, and annoyed by volumes of commercials. I even told Nick he should do some homework since I figured the day was a bust and when something good popped up, I didn't want to be bugging him about getting it done before we went.

Nick didn't even want to go to the movies this afternoon.

To my credit, at about 10:00am, I said, "Where do you want to go. We can go anywhere, the Museum of Flight, Sky Mania, the pool. I'll even take you to Friday Harbor if you want to go."

That was when he first said he wanted to watch the movie.

"But what about when it's over. "

"Mom, I'm just tired."

I knew that wouldn't fly with Mike. Mike would want Nick to have done something, gone somewhere, been entertained, hung out with friends. It makes school breaks more stressful. Sometimes, Nick waits too late in the day to plan anything and I end up texting one mom after another in an attempt to find someone who's not already doing something good. 

Eventually, I got going and ran out to get Mike's prescription and some food. The fridge was empty after we had smoothies and salads. And Mike needed his scrip.

When I got to the pharmacist window, I could see that Natalie was there. She's a sweet woman who does more than just fill your bottles. She sees herself as a force for good.

"How are you today?" she asked me. I'm one of those people who believe in telling the truth. Why even ask if you don't want to know the answer?

"Oh, I'm okay, but I'm getting nothing done. It's spring break and Nick and I haven't done one thing."

"Boy, that sounds nice."

"We're just watching movies at home all day."

"Sounds really good to me, bonding time with your son."

"No, I mean, everyone else is on vacation. Nick doesn't feel like doing anything. We've watched movies all day."

"Yeah, that sounds really good about now. I'd love a day to kick back and watch movies all day."

I stopped. I looked Natalie in the eye. She didn't look away, but she did grin at me.

"You're right. Thanks for that."

I went home, prepared to sit in front of the television with Nick for the rest of the afternoon. Suddenly I missed his sweet face, the one that caught my attention now and then to tell me that he loved me or tell me something funny. We had watched the talking boat video at least three times. I'd laughed so hard my ribs hurt. We had also watched two hamsters on a wheel. That was good for multiple viewings too. Nick had told me a couple of jokes. Of course I can't remember now. I can never remember jokes any more.

When I got in the door with my bags of groceries, Nick came downstairs and carried three of the heaviest bags for me. What a sweetheart.

"So, what's up for the afternoon? Did your movie end? Did anything else good come on after that?"

"Yup, but can you take me to karate tonight?"

Thank you for listening, jb

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