Saturday, April 20, 2013

Cross-Training, Yeah Right

Well, it turns out that I'm not very well built to ride a scooter any more, at least not more than a half a mile. When you're fifty-three, I guess you have to start looking at stuff like that.

No, I did not fall. There are no ridiculous videos to make you snort soda out your nose.

I'm just sore, going for the Advil before I even sit down. Maybe I should be doing more scootering. Maybe I should call this cross-training and I've hit some muscles that need work. For the longest time, I've limited myself to biking, hiking, and swimming.

I gave up rollerblading when Nick outgrew his jogger stroller. I have to tell you moms that might wonder about that - it's great! Just make sure you're proficient on the Rollerblades before you bring your infant into the mix. And you really need to know how to drag your brake. When I think about it, though, the brakes on the jogger stroller came in really handy. Rollerblading behind a jogger stroller is like walking with a walker. If you start to fall backward, it's total protection. Even when you fall forward, you might pop a wheelie, but the weight up front usually keeps you on your feet. That was Nick's favorite part. His first words, after 'dammit,' were 'faster' and 'again.' 'Dadda' was in there somewhere, unfortunately before 'Momma.' He'd squeal happily whenever I popped a wheelie.

When he got older and I had to ask Nick to hold his feet off the ground as we went, I knew it was time to retire the contraption. Not to mention that the frame had begun to list to the left about fifteen pound past its weight limit. Oh, that was a sad day. I haven't been comfortable on roller blades since. I've thought I might be able to use Nick's trekking poles, but I'm still nervous about it. I could imagine getting tangle up in them as I fell. Last fall, Nick's class had a field trip to the rollerskating rink and I had a great time there. Since then, I haven't been doing much cross-training, just hiking, biking, and swimming.

Okay, I'll admit. I'm not much of a hiker either. I spend more time walking, sauntering, strolling, wandering (in a fog), and loitering than actual hiking.

When I take the kids swimming, I seldom do more than a half a dozen lengths of the pool. Hmm. I'm sensing a trend here.

And my hands go numb when I'm on a bike very long. My butt goes numb too. I'd like to ask those in power why they got rid of the seat shaped like a butt and opted for the banana. Really. You might also think there would be some hygiene issues with the banana. Maybe those seats should come with Maxi pad attachments built in.

Okay, so I walk on a regular basis.

Today, I expected to walk. Nick, Mike, Teddy and I had a good start though he didn't seem inclined to share his scooter. Nick's new Razor scooter has a smooth ride. I think it's the bigger wheels. We went to our usual trail. Since we know it, and most of the people on it, we feel more comfortable letting Teddy run free. He's pretty good about sticking with us and we didn't see another soul today. I like days like that. Nick rolled down the hill. That was fine, but half way back up, he said his knee hurt, the other knee, not the one with Osgood Schlatter disease.

I had actually wanted to try more than a few yards of it, so I decided to have a go.

"Mom, you're forgetting something," he said as he plopped the helmet onto my head and knocking my glasses askew.

"You're right," I said. No use being a hypocrite. He'll have a good reason to refuse to wear it if I won't wear it. Besides, I am the person who'd fall down the minute I decided I was too cool to hurt myself on something as simple as a scooter. Go ahead, all of you old farts, try it. There are ways to fall on your face even with wheels and a handlebar. When I get old, I'll probably find a way to trip myself up using a walker. 

So, I scooted up hill. Doesn't sound right, does it? Are you picturing a dog on the carpet? Stop that. I kept thinking I was getting a great glide out of it, but when I'd turn around, Nick and Mike were right behind me. I pushed myself a little harder. That's probably where I caused the Advil to come into play. Then, I decided to get some extra mileage on it the way Teddy does so I'd scooter ahead, turn around, and scooter down the hill past them.  I even went under their arms and between them once.

Teddy was ecstatic! Finally, I could almost keep up with him. I had it figured out, getting the speed that he's always wished I had. A scooter! That's the trick. He even learned not to run across in front of me. I'd been having Nick offer up a sharp 'NO' whenever Teddy did that and he almost had it down when I got going. I imagine that part, cartwheeling over dog, ass, and scooter over tea kettle, would not be pretty. Might be funny, but not from my point of view.

Is it just me or do any of you also cringe when someone on Funniest Home Videos lands badly? Is that really so funny? Not when it's you.

Maybe the funny video is of me back at home, scooping food into the dog's dish, feet wide, knees apart, groaning as I bend over and hit that sharp sweet spot.  I can imagine what I look like from behind.

No. I'm doing great. I don't need more exercise.

Thank you for listening, jb

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