Thursday, July 6, 2017

A Pain in the Neck

Do you all want to watch this trainwreck?

This morning, after going back to sleep and finally getting eight hours of sleep amid giardia dreams, I woke up feeling great for just about five minutes.

Then, my neck seized. 

I can't look to the right. There's some rubber band in my neck that keeps stretching to the breaking point whenever I look right and sending waves of zingers through my extremities on that side.

Remember, this was the day I needed to:
  • help Mike rebuild the deck
  • bleach litter boxes and associated utensils against giardia
  • wash all bedding in the house where a cat might have rested his butt
  • drag unwashable stuff like the cat tree and fancy dog beds outside to sterilize in the sunshine for four days
  • schedule carpet cleaners
  • steam clean vinyl floors
  • sterilize fake wood floor some way that won't ruin it
  • run food and water dishes through the dishwasher
  • wash one reluctant dog and two reluctant cats
  • walk the dog
  • buy groceries
  • coerce cats to eat white mealy stuff in their wet food
  • coerce the teenager to help rebuild the deck

Shit, I couldn't even drive. You really shouldn't drive if you can't look to your right.

What a pain in the neck. My symptoms are a metaphor.

I bought groceries but I used up my good graces with Nick by asking him to drive me to the grocery store. At first he was reluctant but he got pretty quiet when he saw how much it hurt for me to go around left turns. That pretty much eliminated any chance he'd help with the deck though, especially since it was hot and he ran two paper routes for a friend yesterday and didn't stop once for water. Don't tell Mike I messed it up for him.

So, I managed to clean the litter boxes, but I clogged the tub drain with cat litter I thought I'd scraped out of the litter boxes. Don't tell Mike.

Don't tell him that I'm pretty sure I got rid of giardia on the counters, but the cats don't walk on the counters after long and complicated training. I was too freaked out about the parasites that I couldn't help myself. Don't tell Mike I wasted my time. 

Don't tell Mike I didn't wash any bedding, call any carpet cleaners, help with the deck, drag unwashable stuff out into the sun, steam clean, sterilize, wash a reluctant dog. Don't tell Mike I couldn't wash two reluctant cats.

I spent most of the day groaning on ice on the couch and trying not to change positions.

Oh hell. I think Mike knows. I wonder if I used enough bleach in the tub to kill the little parasites I poured out there?

Thank you for listening, jb

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