Monday, March 19, 2018

World Dominance

My kitten misses me. Last week, I started a new part-time job and was gone more than usual. I feel bad about that. He's getting fat again because he's not getting as much exercise as he usually does. Now he nags me whenever I'm in the kitchen even when he has food, water, and I just finished petting him.

Who would have thought that the whole of my previous job was to feed, water, exercise, and pet two cats and a dog. This just confirms my theory that cats and dogs rule the world and humans are in denial about it. Aliens that arrive on Earth will attempt to communicate with the species that has the most power, the ones that subjugate everyone else.

That would be the cats.

Dogs are the next tier down. People are third and after that?

Mosquitoes are probably the clear winner. Mosquitoes could drive me to leap off a cliff if I were out without a bottle of Deet to cover any bare skin. Who cares if I die of cancer in ten years. I have slathered that stuff all over me for days on end to the point I tasted it. I know I'm going to die of cancer, but with my dying breath, I will say, "At least the mosquitoes weren't biting."

Did you know that mosquitoes are responsible for more deaths than any other animal on the planet? I wonder if ThoughtCo, the people who made that assertion, included humans in this calculation. It's a good question, what with all the genocide in Myanmar and Syria, don't you think?

Did you also know that carbon dioxide is how mosquitoes find their victims? They fly back and forth through my plume of carbon emissions until they find the back of my neck. Well, as carbon dioxide levels rise, maybe the female mosquitoes will get disoriented like the poor moths at our porch lights looking for the nectar of white flowers in the night. Wouldn't that be a small mercy?

I think I got bit by a mosquito while I sat on the deck earlier. I was only there for a few minutes because I got too cold, but it was warm enough that I saw a mosquito flying by. The bitch. We'll get you. We'll release so much carbon dioxide into the atmosphere that you and your whole species will eventually starve to death. It would serve you right. I hope we don't starve to death too.

Thank you for listening, jb

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