Monday, December 29, 2014

For the Sake of Cucumbers and Butter Beans

I'm tired. I only had a half an hour at the dog park and the man there was one who only wanted to stand and talk. Why can't people jump on that bandwagon of walking down the trail together when their dogs are playing? Then both the people and the dogs get their exercise.

Teddy didn't even get enough exercise. It was because I was on the phone for a couple of hours with my phone people today. It might have been more, but I can't think that clearly.

Here's the lowdown. If you switch from an iPhone to an android and it isn't working, by all means, call Apple to take care of the iMessaging problem you've been reading about on the Internet. The guy you get on the phone will tell you that it's probably your carrier. He tries nothing. He may be right, but you won't think so since he tried nothing. Make sure you have your headset plugged deeply into your ears so you can fold clothes and do a load of dishes while you wait. Then, when the Apple rep does nothing but pronounces that he can't help you further, of course, you should call your carrier, especially if it's AT&T. Then, things get to popping. They may ask what you've done and you tell them that you've send email back and forth between your android friends along with a few other technical things. You mention the blue bubble. It sounds bad to you to say that you have android friends. You begin to realize that it's not too bad being an android and having android friends. Then, a miracle will happen and your AT&T rep, one of the big dogs, will call Apple, a big dog, but not quite as big, and they will speak privately before they get you back into the conversation. You never tell people that you used to work for AT&T because that would just be rude, now wouldn't it? You don't need to. AT&T has your back.

Primarily, the big dog will tell the not-as-big dog that he has to behave. He has to play nice with the little dog, you, the new android user.

Then, with both big dogs on the phone, you'll tell them everything you've done as they run you through a whole bunch of exercises, most of which you've already tried. "Yes, the bubble is green," you tell them. "Yes, I did that," you will tell them as you carefully follow their directions, being careful to stay polite. You begin to respect your Apple representative, an advanced technical support specialist, a woman. Before, when you were speaking to the guy from Apple the first time, he was only only a regular technical support guy. Now, you can tell, you are talking to someone who has earned her technical chops. But you will still say, "And I tried that and changed that and disconnected that," when she asks. You will say it with enthusiasm. You really want that advanced technical support person to tell you how incredibly smart you are, but it wouldn't be true since all the stuff you tried were things you read on the Internet. When tests are running smoothly, the big dog, AT&T, will bow out of the conversation. Finally, your advanced technical specialist from Apple will tell you that you have indeed done everything that she could think of doing. You do an internal fist pump.

That's when her work truly begins. Yup. She finally tries a few things you hadn't tried. She even draws your husband into the conversation. Ha! That's when you discover that your husband hasn't truly received a text message since Christmas. You might think that it has to be an Apple problem since it sits squarely on an Apple iPhone. You might be wrong, but you don't know that yet.

Have you noticed that Samsung, the other big dog, hasn't even made an appearance? You aren't sure if that's smart of them or if they've hung you out to dry. Still, the problem seemed connected to iMessaging at first and then got dumped right onto your husband's iPhone which isn't receiving android texts. Why should that other big dog even bother to come out to play?

And then, your trusty advanced technical support person from Apple gets an idea but she doesn't tell you what it is. You feel her attention diverting from your android and focusing on your husband's iPhone. She tests your husband's iPhone and he doesn't even get a non-iMessage text from her. Now, that is curious, isn't it? She pops back onto the phone with the big dog, AT&T and asks them for their advice about why your husband hasn't gotten a single non-iMessage text since Christmas day. Within minutes, the AT&T support woman has solved the problem - when your phone plan was converted to your new android, your husband's iPhone plan magically lost its text plan. How did that happen?

No one knows.

No one cares.

The AT&T support woman restores your husband's text plan and lo and behold, he gets a single text message from her - test. Then, to be sure, you send him a text and say - 'Whew!'  - and it goes through! See for the past hour, you've been going from your computer to your phone to your husband's iPhone which is on the counter in front of you. But now texts have gone through! At that point, each of the women on the phone give mental high-fives to each other with lots of thank-yous from the little dog to the two big dogs. And you are off the phone and the computer for the first time in thirty-six hours minus the time it took to sleep.

Then, on his way to work, you send your husband another text. 'Can you add cucumber and butter beans to the grocery list?' This is an example of the incredibly important information that must be successfully transferred between the two of you for the next thirty years without interruption.

And your heart drops a few inches in your chest when you receive a text that says, 'Your message did not go through. Please try again later. Error code ooxx102. 2:43pm'

Because your son is in the next room, you quietly utter, "F^@k!" into your fist. Then you slowly pick up the phone once more, wondering if the littlest dog will get any walk at the park all today.

And you get one more text that says, 'Just kidding. Yes 2:44pm' He's a joker, that husband of yours.

Thank you for listening, jb

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