Monday, November 3, 2014

Love, Rinse, Repeat

I read on the computer more than I used to. Oh sure, I look at my fair share of funny cat pictures and cars sliding on ice. Did you see this one, where the cars on the hill were sliding down the lane like a bowling ball chasing after ten pins? There are some pretty good parallel parking ones videos too. I would have put the link up for one of the funny parallel parking videos, but I was offended that so many of them were titled them 'Women Can't Park' when it isn't always obvious just who's driving that car. I tell you that I can parallel park my car better than most men. I can even parallel park on the left side, which is an accomplishment for those of us who drive on the right side most of the time.

YouTube videos are good, but I actually read content on my computer too. Today, I procrastinated my work and my walk by reading my favorite bloggers. I've told you about The Bloggess, haven't I? A lot of hers are comic classics even when she just wrote them last week.

But I've noticed something. Some of my favorite writers have issues with anxiety and depression. There's The Bloggess, HeyNatalieJean, and Jane Kenyan. I love Kenyan's book 'Otherwise.' It's just beautiful, despite its melancholy.

So, the thing that made a difference today was a post by Natalie. She wrote about an anxiety attack. Especially when I read through to the end. It made a difference for me.

Oh, I don't suffer from depression. I wouldn't trivialize the pain, numbness, or fear that people with depression or anxiety have by calling my blue day a depression. I'll admit that I have insomnia and there's always more anxiety at 3am than in daylight. But it wouldn't be fair to call it depression when I have one of those days that's just off.

Today was a blue Monday for me though. The only excuse I had was that I didn't get out for a walk in the rain the way I should have. Every time I walk, even when I don't feel like it, I come home nearly elated by the freshness and the beauty of the green around me. Today, I dragged my feet, procrastinated my work, and my poor Teddy is pacing now that it's too dark out to go. It's also the beginning of the dark days. I forgot about the challenge of walking my dog early throughout the dark days.

So, the cool thing about Natalie's post. Remember Natalie's post? She wrote about what gets her through an anxiety attack. As I read, I figured that she'd write something about breathing or focusing or music on her iPhone or something like that. I thought to myself that everyone has different methods to get through stuff and it's never the same for any one person. I was ready to read what she wrote and let it go like a half a million ideas that I've read in blogs and books and magazines in my lifetime.

But her method is good. She said she thinks about love. She looks at someone, pictures them as an infant in her arms, and she imagines the love flowing from her to them. Not from them toward her, but the other way around. The love comes from inside her and flows out and that makes her feel better.

Now, that's good. That's something that could work for any of us. It could work for me. Any time. Over and over, like the repetition of washing dishes. Love, rinse, repeat.

Love, rinse, repeat.

Thank you for listening, jb

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