Superstitious

Because a tired dog is a good dog, I took Teddy for a long walk today with a good friend and her dog. We had so much fun, we lost track of time and I missed an appointment at school. Now my feet hurt. I actually have a blister from walking five miles. That is so pathetic!

Now, I'm waiting for Nick to finish karate at Z-Ultimate. I'm at a nearby Tully's, having earned my tea latte. Why not? It is sugar free after all. I also had a piece of their spinach quiche. I like a heartier filling than they use. Theirs is almost the texture of a light custard, yet I love the way they pepper the crust before they add the egg filling. Oh, I like it here. They don't always know my name, but they know my drink and that I like to chat. I was honored when my favorite barista, whom I'd talked to about my writing, introduced me to his boyfriend. I wish that kind of thing didn't have to be kept quiet, that it was just as normal for a man to introduce me to his boyfriend as to a girlfriend. Well, we can be the change we want to see, right? So I didn't blink, nodded my head, and smiled. It was good. Some aspects of life really have changed since I was young.

Guess what?

No, really! Can you guess?

I had an ordinary day today! Nothing blew up or crapped out. Nothing was stolen or damaged. No one was hurt. Am I taking chances by writing this before Nick and I have made it home from his karate class?

I hate to admit that I'm superstitious. I am. I love science. I really do, but I also believe in that chaos theory as presented in the first 'Jurassic Park' movie. Do you remember when Jeff Goldblum's character talks about how a single flap of a butterfly's wings on one side of the world could be the ultimate cause of a hurricane on the other side? Yeah, that? Isn't that mysterious enough as to be practically superstitious? 

I'm home now and thankfully, Nick didn't break an arm or anything at karate.  I didn't plow into the back end of any other cars on the road.  We seem to be safe inside our little home.  A grand illusion, that safety of being at home, isn't it?

Okay, so I googled chaos theory and I still don't quite understand it.  Weather is a great example of something that is labeled chaotic.  It means that, even though weather effects are 'deterministic, initial conditions and overlapping application of these predictable changes' causes weather to be chaotic.  What the heck is an initial condition when it comes to weather?  I wonder if fractals fit into chaos theory?  Fractals are so pretty, but I could see how they'd act similar to weather in that no two results would be alike.  I am so over my head here, but it's just one more thing in this world for me to learn more about. 

So what I mean about the chaos theory being connected to superstition is that if enough similar random events lead my little brain in the same direction, it leads to a natural sense of superstition.  Here's an example:  Mike and I both became superstitious that if we put away Nick's nebulizer, then he'd get sick again.  (The nebulizer is the machine that allows Nick to inhale his breathing medication more thoroughly.) It happened for both of us somehow, at about the same time, yet quite independently.  For years, it was true, except during the summer, that Nick would probably get sick not long after he got well.  After a while, I discovered that it wasn't just me that felt better leaving the nebulizer out.  Mike did too.  Nick's immune system was so fragile that even though we left that ugly thing plugged in next to the couch, he'd still get sick again before too long.  How many times, though, did one event have to follow another, that we put away the nebulizer, then Nick got sick again, before our brains interpreted it as cause and effect?  Not that many, I'd guess.  So have I made a point about the chaos theory being related to superstition?  Probably not.  It was just a thought anyway.

I'm going to have to think about what I'm superstitious about. Walking under ladders? No.  I walk under our ladder whenever I use the grill.  Mike, in his particular wisdom, doesn't think it's worth putting away since we're up on the roof two or three times a year anyway.  Is that a superstition of his?  I don't know.  I'm also one of those people who think that if I forget my Goretex jacket, it's more likely to rain.  You can't hold off the rain in these parts in any case. 

I believe that if I'm not watching, bad things are more likely to happen, like when the dog casually hangs out in the kitchen, I turn my head for one minute, and look over to see that all the cat food is gone.  That dog is so hungry.  He's not quite forty pounds, but according to Hill's feeding charts, he eats as though he's sixty.  He's just now filling out so that I can't see his ribs, so I don't mind so much.  Maybe watching so bad things don't happen is some kind of corollary to the watched pot never boiling.  I can say, without a doubt, I have watched a pot long enough to see it boil, many times.  It's boring, though a little steam is good for your skin if you lean in a bit. 

I knock on wood, using my head if none other is available.  What the heck does that mean anyway?  Wow! I just looked it up.  Isn't it cool when you find that one thing you believe connects with something else you thought was unrelated.  'The Phrase Finder' site says that 'knock on wood' may go back to touching wood or a tree in the belief that kind spirits reside within.  There may also be a connection to the cross.  I just love believing that the trees in my yard are benevolent spirits.  I imagine them to be grandmothers and grandfathers, letting us stand on their roots the way babies stand in laps.  So I will feel less ridiculous the next time I say 'knock on wood.'  I could have been a Druid in a previous life.  (Uh oh, now I've brought up the topic of reincarnation.  That's a whole different set of beliefs, now, isn't it? A topic for another day, though.)

I'm not sure if it's superstition or just plain fear (remember fear?) that I want the last words I say to Nick and Mike to be 'I love you!' whenever I leave to run an errand or they head off to sleep.  I wish I'd heard those words from my dad before he died even if they weren't exactly the last words he said to me.  Unfortunately, I have no idea what his last words were, though I remember him talking about the velour blanket being the only thing that didn't hurt as it laid over his legs.  So I try to give the 'I love you' phrase to Nick and Mike in case something happens.  I also don't like going to sleep mad at either of them.  I'll even keep Nick up too late on a school night to work out our differences.  That might not be superstition.  It might just be about sleeping more soundly in peace than in aggitation. 

So now I'm going to go soak my feet in Epsom salts, knock on wood, throw my Goretex into my backpack, and yell 'I love you!' to my guys as we all head off to bed. Good night!

Thank you for listening, jb

Training

I have a good exercise program. I've tried this one before and it worked very well for me. I'm on the walk-my-dog exercise program. I'm about to leave to go for a walk in about 20 minutes. So far, I've walked every day but one since we brought Teddy home. Oh, he couldn't go very far at first, and I ended up carrying him in my jacket. that jacket will never be the same after walking with him in the rain. His distance is increasing and soon, he'll be challenging me to go further and faster.

Nick is getting more walking time in too.

The problem I'm having with having a puppy is the house training and the whining. Do you know how hard it is to train a dog to be quiet, then train him to speak when he needs to go out? Plus, this dog is so tuned to being with us that he just wails when I leave the room even for a moment, like to get something out of the freezer. I read that I'm not supposed to support behavior that I don't like, so sometimes I have to wait as long as twenty minutes to get back into the kitchen. Really, I'm just waiting for a five second break in the sounds he's making so that I can go in and tell him, "Good quiet, good quiet."

The other thing I read is that I'm supposed to use single words when he does stuff so he gets the idea. I've spent years learning this complicated language called English and it's hard to revert to single syllable words. Since I'm with him all day, all day is teaching at this point. It's kind of like when I spent all day with Nickie, back when he was a baby and by 5:00, I just needed to talk like an adult for a while.

So now I'm at Tully's enjoying a breve Fireside Chai tea latte and some precious time to myself. It feels wonderful, though I'm a little annoyed at myself that it's still all about Teddy.

Oh, don't get me wrong. Teddy has learned how to 'sit' and 'down' just by telling him he's a good boy when he does it. Then I give him a treat. He's learned to 'slide' down the stairs too, just because I laughed and gave him a treat.

If he does it and I like it, I give it a name, sometimes a signal, and I give him a treat. Being excited about it helps too.

You should have seen him last night, trying to thing of something else to do that would earn him a treat. He sat. He slid into a down position. He jumped on my leg, then backed up into a sit. Over and over, he did this until I was done. He wasn't done yet and kept trying.

Nick has gotten him to do some things, but he needs more practice with the words and the praise. Teddy is trying so hard, until he gets into the tired phase and nips at anything and falls all over himself. He's going to be an amazing dog, but I'll be grateful when we get past the house-training and the whining.

Thank you for listening, jb

Trying to Keep Our Freedoms

I had the strangest conversation with a group of people at the library the other day. It wasn't a planned meeting, yet it became a forum. This is Banned Books Week. Oh, I'd heard about it on the radio, but the librarians had set up a table of books that people, the government, or special interest groups had tried to ban.

I love my country, but it isn't free. Not really. Bigotry still exists. Religious freedom gets attacked every day. I don't even want to go into the issues of domestic air travel or a woman's right to choose.  Still, why do other people want to restrict the books I read? I'm an adult. My library exerts a huge effort to let me choose whether or not a book is appropriate for me. I don't think that any groups, religious or not, should determine what our librarians are allowed to put onto the shelves.

Pornography? Now, that's a tough question. Will it damage a child? Can that right be protected for some others without grossing me out whenever I walk through the library? I don't mind the boards over certain offensive magazine covers at the grocery store. But these books on the table were not pornography. That's usually what I had assumed when I'd thought of banning books.

As I stood in front of those banned books, I started to get angry. It held an array of wonderful books including the Koran, a book about Buddhism, and the Bible. It held best-sellers like 'Harry Potter' and 'Twilight' alongside high school classics like 'The Catcher in the Rye' and 'Animal Farm.'

I muttered something like, "The Bible, the Koran? You've got to be kidding!"

Other people were standing there next to me. An older woman picked up a book by F. Scott Fitzgerald and said, "I had to read this in high school. It's a classic."
One by one, we looked at the books and discussed them. A teenager joined in, animated, when we got to 'Twilight.'

"I didn't like the movies, but the books were okay. The way I figure it, if you don't approve of reading about vampires, then don't. Just don't assume you get to decide what my religious beliefs are."

You go girl, I thought. We all stood there looking. Another woman said, "It looks like a list of must-read books." The librarian walked over and joined us.

"If you check out a banned book and carry it around reading it, it will send a strong message." Then she offered us a list of websites where we could read about banned books and post our opinions.  I knew that when I got home, I'd look at these sites: The American Library Association, The American Civil Liberties Union, and the First Amendment Center.

Another table the librarians had set up showed some so-called reasons why groups had tried to ban particular books. The Bible was deemed inappropriate for children because it contained passages depicting murder and incest and thus should be reomoved from the library. A ban on a book about Buddhism was supported with "If you read this book, you might become a Buddhist." So what's wrong with showing the beauty of your beliefs? Those people knocking on my door with religious pamphlets on Christmas morning weren't breaking the law. They were just annoying. Oh, I wish I could remember the reasons for the other books.  It was fascinating.

So I've decided to to do my part by reading the Koran. I've never read it before, but I'll bet I'll love much of it. I'll bet I find more similarities than differences in the morals encouraged in my own Bible. I wonder if I'll find contradictions in it or the parts that have not kept up with modern life.  I'm curious. 

I'll read the Koran here in Tully's. I'll bring it to school when I join my Reading Buddy. I'll bring it to choir practice and end up telling someone in church something I learned from it. I imagine I'll carry some secret message from it in my heart wherever I go. That's what I'll do during Banned Books Week. What will you do?

Thank you for listening, jb